Tuesday, January 01, 2013

What to Say?

Year changed. Time passed. What interesting is talking about first thing in the first day of this year. I have had my first noodle (that I cooked in "setahun" activity: memasak setahun, and it means my first cook - my first last-meal, (or my first first-meal?)), first reading ("Ekspedisi Bukit Barisan 2011" - a thick book from my uncle that I read before my first sleep), first strange dream, and even I got my first "do number two" this morning. Awesome. I wrote my first writing too: this post.

Year 2013. Resolution? Still 1280x800. It's indeed no change. Precisely the same as my heart's condition a year ago. It's indeed no progress. Being not-that-modern creature seems a bit pathetic. But fortunately I know the quality. Although my Aspire is still 1280x800, he has helped me doing my every single writing (and design). Although my heart is still -well, you know how- she has learnt many lessons. What does process bring? It's certainly maturity. What else it would be? Now that steps have been made, the next words depend on you - depend on me - depend on us.

And I made many steps in 2012. Some were awesome. Some were incredible. But most of them were foolish and silly - so silly. Yet, it was me (yeah, who else?). Many things happened. But the gloomiest was that one, when I dreamed of holding a crying baby some weeks ago - she stopped crying immediately as she'd been in my arms. My heart beat, and I felt the feeling. Damn, I miss to be a mother!!! Arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!

And of course many lessons have been learnt. History always guides us in taking decision - in actualizing our future. So is for me. What really kicked my butt was the principal of this someone: my best friend. He threw away his most favorite things. He decided not doing his most favorite activity anymore. He stopped doing all he likes. What for? One reason. He put the focus on one locus: family (that even hasn't existed yet). He throws his "HE", only for his "WE". And what I did so far? Only my "I" and my "I". I tried finding happiness and happiness and happiness. Process and process and process. But what for? Only for me. I wrote poets for me. I read some books for me. I loved someone for me. I hiked mountain for me. Nothing was such for "WE". It was so selfish. And my friend helped me to realize that. So sad when you found out that you actually did nothing for a thing that you want(ed) so much. So I must change. For my "WE". For my "complete me".

I thought many things. And that's good. Ice cream maybe is still "oke" to eat, but not-to-eat-something is the selfish-est way in reaching my "WE", because it will only bring my (future) family into trouble (see how if I die because of lack of vitamin and calcium?). So here I am, ready to eat everything. I'm doing the contrary of DIE-T; It's LIVE-T!

Yes. Exactly. That's it my first step: EAT!!! SO LET'S EAAAATTTT!!!!!

*this superb geje post is actually the superb serious one, don't get fooled only by language (devil face)*