Monday, October 16, 2017

Evilgrin


I was so away with this blog that I forgot the style of paragraph I usually used... 🙀 (wow, they got emoji now!!! Purrrrrfecto!!!)

So, yeah, I'm still on my journey to whatever called self-discovery journey, or such, but I actually have started this kind of thing since well, probably looong time ago, without giving it any label, for sure, because you know I do really hate labeling, but maybe today I will say yes to it. Yes, I've been in my self-discovery journey for a long time - and perhaps that journey itself is what in the end I will call as self. Ah, it's too absurd to think 😱 (hey, they even give the clue for the emoji, for the sake of avoiding misunderstanding, I guess. Bahahah, thanks to it I now know what exactly they refer to for certain emojis - like this 😰, I think it's totally a face that's been in fridge for a week, but they said this one as: 'face with open mouth and cold sweat', lol, I will still use what I think it is for sure - more real) - DUDE, PLS DON'T OOT!

Sorry. So so bad habit I did there 😉 (I actually hate this winking face - totally lame face. I mean, why you even wink with that kind of smile? So manipulative face you got there!). Ok, I did it again, I think. My bad. 💀

Well, what I've been through this past year is indeed awesome. I should mention it again, AWESOME. But I need to be aware now that everything is meant to be temporary and so I shouldn't be too attached to it, even though it is INCREDIBLE. The lesson I got always brought me closer to knowing myself, some kind of self-exploration, and yes indeed, I experimented a lot with my self, which was really fun actually. I gave my self certain dosage of this and that - mostly (unfortunately) non-chemical things :p, and saw how it affected my behavior, and the result to the emotions, and at the same time to my physical symptoms, as I realize certain emotions give particular effect to my body, and I can feel it as bodily experience. Exactly. I amazed myself.

To make the loooong story short (I know, it's not my habit telling story this short way, but I've been too away from updating blog anyway, so I think it's OK (?)), I will give sort of conclusion of what I am aware mostly about myself now. It was triggered by me trying to read journal in JSTOR (holly mowshoot she's reading JSTOR again!!), and I was so amazed that I felt that kind of moment again: the moment when I really in tune with the words and knowledge in it - for which I really crave, but recently I do many things that are also I crave for, but away from the the textual-reading kind of needs. Yes, I have different needs. I'll be happy if those needs fulfilled, and get frustrated if I can't make it :'(

Generally I am within these three domains. Some of you might know this from the non-popular reading of astrology called moon sign, sun sign, and rising. These three is sometimes different in one individual, but sometimes one self can have the same signs for those three (which will be so so so stubborn dude, I suppose). Sometimes these three are opposing and/or harmonious; one of mine is quite opposing to other two, but I take it as like opposite attraction that if it happens in one body, lol, I can't imagine how this and that her/his mind will be (one of my three is not that opposing but two others are very harmonious, so even though two of them are mutable signs, I'm still OK with the two harmonious ones - and anyway, everything is OK actually, since we can no longer change anything :P)

MY THREE MOST NEEDS:
1. Insightful mind (I think), with these kind of activities to do:
Moving around there and there - fulfilled the whole year, thank Goodness :')
Talking to myself - done everyday since I was born, I guess :')
Reading closely to ideas and concepts - nah
Connect with people through languages - sometimes yes, sometimes nope since I don't really write anymore, but I met people out there which is REALLY :D

2. Me being an empath and those abstract minds; activities:
Dealing with empath duty - quite fulfilled :')
Connect with others - yes, but the limitation of accessing others yet at the same time I know I connect to them is most of the time frustrating - need more patience here.
Drawing, playing music, do some stupid projects - quite fulfilled, not the writing project, though.
Connect with the divine - hum, yeah, hum, nope, hum, I don't know :') - me shed tears literally :')
Sleeping a lot - yeah, in my free time :')

3. My most important part. But I haven't quite understood this, actually. Because it's deep, easy to hate and at the same time full of determination towards love. It's dark and at the same time enlightening. It's so mystical, mysterious, and spiritual (let alone being combined with #2). It always thinks about its Identity.
Dang, it what makes me always ask the question: me?, you?, YOU?, YOOOOUUUUUUUUUU???. Never-ending question, I guess :')

Oh, anyway, yes, I learn playing Uke now :D Able to play three songs, but one is my recent fave. Hopefully I can manage to upload it to soundcloud and share it here before I lost my interest to the song, so then you guys can listen to it and throw up (wink face - or actually I prefer doing evilgrin. lol).